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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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"Celebrate good times, come on!!!""Oh Happy Day!!!" "On this perfect day, nothing's standing in my way.. On this perfect day, when nothing can go wrong! It's a perfect day!"
TODAY IS MY LAST DAY AS A PACIFIC HOUSING EMPLOYEE! YEAH!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better;
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:22 pm. |
| Mood: |  contemplative. |
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Parents who live vicariously through their kids and try to be the "cool" parent, the "friend" bug me. You are a parent for a reason. So be a parent. Your daughter calling you a bitch and a whore and you thinking it is funny, is just pathetic, and for you to call the girls at school she isnt friends with "bitchass whores" is highly immature. They are kids. You are an adult. Act like one.
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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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I really just want to disappear. I am tired of everything being my fault. I'm tired of never trying hard enough.. I really just want to be a bitch and the irritating jerk that everyone thinks I am anyway so people have a reason to act the way they do towards me.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 6:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  pessimistic. |
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So let me pose this... DO you think that some people are just not meant to have friends? I think I am one of those.. I am one of those people that others just dont think to call if they are going out, girls dont have much in common with and dont really feel the need to get to know. I have one friend ... I call her, and she doesnt call back, I email her and she doesnt email me back. Other friends call her and she calls them back... she calls them first even... I sit on the couch... maybe thats why i go out with dan so much and rely on him to be my best friend, hes one of the only ones i have. I have a great roommate, and a wonderful boyfriend.. other than that i think i need new friends... wait not new friends... friends. period.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Leo - Your Love Profile
Your positive traits:
You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot
Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!
You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you
Your negative traits:
You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle
You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it
If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruely break their heart
Your ideal partner:
Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you
Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together
Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often
Your dating style:
High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.
Your seduction style:
You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things
Passionate. You really get into any intimate act.
Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.
Tips for the future:
Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.
Learn to love your parnter for who they are - not how they help advance your life.
Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.
Best place to meet someone online:
Platnium Romance - these flirty singles will make sure that you're the center of attention
Best color to attract mate: Gold
Best day for a date: Sunday
Get your free love profile at Blogthings.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 5:44 pm. |
| Mood: |  irritated. |
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My dad always said the Johnson last name was cursed... I'm starting to think thats true... Otherwise there really are people in this world that have everything fall at their feet with little to no effort and others that work and sweat and die trying with nothing to ever show for it. I hate that. I hate that someone can want something so bad, can try so hard to achieve it, and someone else come along and be like hmmm that would be fun and POOF it's theirs... For once I just want something to come easy, something to be mine without working for it, something to go right... I don't think that will ever happen. For some reason, my life just never works that way and for some reason the people I see usually are living that life. I hate people that do ridiculous things themselves, and make fun of me if I do one ridiculous thing. I just dont understand why people can't just leave me alone, let me live my own life and let me be happy. Stop mocking me, and let me be. I let you be, I let you do stupid stuff, I listen to you complain, why is there something wrong with me when I want the same?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Do you ever get the feeling that as hard as you work, it will never ever be enough? It sucks when you can't afford a 2 dollar donation to get your car washed..... It sucks even more when the people around you are spending money on trivial things or have the money to buy the things they need, and complain they dont have any money... It's not their fault they have money. It just sucks to be the other person that doesnt....
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:23 pm. |
| Mood: |  good. |
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Is it harder to count on someone or to know that you're being the one counted upon? I was sitting with Ashley as she was watching Felicity for the upteenth time, and that quote was said and it made me think. When you count on someone you are vulnerable, they have the power to rip your world apart with one action or one phrase that can be as simple as "I forgot." They have all of the power and everything lies with them. The ball is in their court essentially. But is it really better to be the one being counted upon? Yes the ball is in your court and you have the power to do with it what you please, but the pressure is enormous. Having someone count on you is like having someone watch every single one of your movements just waiting for you to screw up and let them down. So which is really better? Is this why people choose to not be in relationships? Is it easier to not count on anyone and not have anyone count on you so that there is no chance of you screwing up or being let down? Is the choice to be alone merely just an escape? I started thinking about my own relationship. People ask how we made it, if we are getting married, and all of those serious questions that would make any sensible girl dive out of an open window. However they didnt really hit home with me until this past week. I am in a serious relationship and I never honestly thought in depth about the answers to those questions. Now, Dan has a job in California. In Stockton, at UOP so that he can be here until I graduate and all of a sudden there was a surge of pressure. It as if now he is counting on me to be the one and for us to last forever, and now he has me counting on him for the same... Scary, but it made me sit down and think about all those questions people asked me that i brushed off before. He stayed here for me... That is the ultimate sacrifice, but I am going to the east coast for him afterwards, another major sacrifice.. Love is complicated, full of sacrifice and compromise. But, maybe that's the best part. When you see someone in love you want to do whatever you can for them because the truth is...if they really are the one you are meant to be with, your other half as people say, you want to do your best to make them happy, because in a sense you are making yourself happy. Does that make sense?
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:01 am. |
| Mood: | pessimistic. |
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I feel as if I am spinning and spinning with no chance of stopping. Have you ever had that feeling that you are so dizzy you might vomit or fall or die? Thats how life is making me feel at this moment. It seems as if I am so indecisive that I am ruining my own life by not being able to make up my mind what I want to do with it, teacher, lawyer, lawyer, teacher, take the class drop the class.... I need to make up my mind and I just don't know which to do. Both have their ups and downs but both make me happy, I just can't seem to pick one which is making me miserable. I am so frustrated with myself and the life I have made for myself that I can't concentrate on anything but. It's time to get my life together, set a goal and head for it. But only if I could stop spinning. All of this frustration brings me to money. I have none, I owe a lot of it, and I'm not making enough of it. Rent, Alpha Phi, Summer School, Credit Card bills, Parents who intend to be paid back... Everyone asking for money and I have none... Sometime's I just don't know what to do. I feel lost and broken.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 9:15 pm. |
| Mood: | cranky. | | Music: | Phantom of the Opera. |
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It's amazing how alone you become when you are in a relationship. People assume that you are with that person every waking moment and that your life revolves around them, so you arent worth remembering or mentioning anymore. True, people in relationships are together a lot, but they still deserve friendships and acknowledgement. It's hard to be in a relationship and people need all the support they can get... If people are left alone to often to be with their significant other, then eventually their world WILL become their significant other.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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You Are 30 Years Old |
30
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. |
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
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Thursday, April 28th, 2005
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This is how it's going to be next year. I am going to call in tears, and he is going to be out with work people, and tell me he will call me back later. Tears are now, tears are not later.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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So last night was my last night of duty. Yay. What a way to spend the night though. Holed up in some office or room with no motivation to do anything except be mad at the world and sleep.. So yep thats what I did. Go me... love bein forced to stay in the townhouses.
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| Time: | 4:09 pm. |
| Mood: | ecstatic. |
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I am in love, I am applying to jobs for the summer so I can bail on housing (YAY!) I have a great roommate both past, present and future, school is almost done, and I love A-Phi... YAY LIFE!
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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It's amazing how things have changed in the last year. I was looking through my old journal entries and that was the first thing that I thought of… It is amazing how things have changed in the last year. The second thought that went through my head is its amazing how much things HAVENT changed in the last year. Ironic huh? Well let's just recap, last year I wasn't in a sorority, didn't have some of the friends that I have now, loved being an RA, was in a rocky relationship headed for no where, hated home, and was broke. Now I am broke, hate home, am in a great relationship that I am sure will last beyond forever, hate being an RA, still have rocky friendships with those I did before, and am in a sorority which was rocky at first but is quickly becoming a growing experience. Does that justify it? It's amazing how things have and haven’t changed in the last year. The latest thing is moving… I love it and I hate it, I am moving into this awesome apartment with an awesome roommate (ASH!) with my cats and no more RAing… but I am leaving behind so much… a part of my life I thought about making a career, and a wonderful and loving roommate in Vicky… I really do adore her and admire her. She is so strong and so beautiful, inside and out. Sometimes she amazes me. So yeah… I am contemplating law school as well. I think it is something I will enjoy and something I will be good at. It's a nice feeling having told people about it and having them go Awesome! I think you'd be great at it! rather than What? You? A lawyer? HA!
I miss Erika like crazy, I don't talk much to the ed girls anymore… I just learned that sometimes friendships aren't meant to be… I was hurt by the actions of a few recently and had to leave a class because I was so upset, but when I look at it now, I have amazing friends in Vicky, Ash, Vicky and a lot of the other girls, so in the end it didn't matter. I was just hurt… But I guess being hurt shows you who your true friends are… And after I graduate, is it really going to matter??? There will be very few I keep in touch with and the ones that I do aren’t the ones who have hurt me, so what does it matter now? I have Dan, he is amazing… things are… ideal. I never thought they would be, and I look back now and see what an idiot I was to have stayed with him, and how truly blind I was. But I learned from that as well. I am glad I stayed with him otherwise we wouldn’t have what we have now.. Things happen for a reason, I truly believe that. If Dan and I hadn’t dated, Greg Lehr wouldn’t have come into our lives and made it hell and made me lose my job. But by losing that job, I was given another in an office with Peggy Rosson and Kerry Krueger Devine, two amazing and strong women who I adore. And because of that job, I have found my love for judicial affairs which is leading me to law school, and I still have Dan. And I have a boss who doesn’t shun him or the mention of his name at work, but enjoys the updates and continuously asks how we are doing. Things happen for a reason. Vicky is right, God does work in mysterious ways, sometimes I had trouble keeping faith in that, but it all turned out alright in the end. I think I have a cavity. If I only had the money to fix it! I don’t even know if I have money to continue with A Phi next year! Hopefully this summer will bring in some cash that I can use to pay rent, pay off my credit cards, pay alpha phi, pay back dan, and fix my tooth with!
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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I think everyone has obstacles they must overcome in order to be the person that everyone strives to be, but through the process of life, we all slowly learn what it is we must do in order to succeed. My life has shown me that not everything is wine and roses, but that even when life does hand you a glass of wine, it is often followed by a hang over and when life gives you a bouquet of roses, we are often so blinded by the beauty that we forget to be weary of the thorns. My life has been full of hangovers so to speak, and for every rose, there was always 20 thorns, but if there is one thing that I have learned from life, and my moral "downs" as you might say, is that, as cliché as it is, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We learn from our thorns, and when you grab a rose by the thorn, you often are careful not to do it again. However, I do have to make exceptions, for there are some people who continuously look at the beauty of the rose and continuously grab it by the thorn. These are the people we must look after and be careful to not get caught up in their repeated mistakes. As for me, the only thing I can do is look after myself, be careful of the thorns, and not indulge in too much wine.
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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I forget how much I hate coming home until I actually come home.
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beandiva's journal